Hello again dear Reader … Well second blog underway today after much thought.. Well actually not deeply planned thoughts as if I’m writing that Opus that’s been trapped inside my creativity ,but the scary ones about someone you love who is obviously not well but won’t hear you begging them to listen.
The illness I have which as you know is a ‘deliciously ‘ unsolvable one, is stopping me from being physically there for this person I love. I can offer shed loads of verbal advice, by phone email text and occasionally face to face but what do you do when you see someone getting more and more confused, in denial etc etc… I’ve lived with the horror of Suicide ,one Parent with Alzheimer’s , cared for a dear dear Son with M!E. – all of which I would willingly do again for the love of them.
Love never stops not true true love.
When you have ill relatives you get swept up in coping helping supporting..
That’s as it should be. No question.
You , and, if you have a partner/husband /wife/ significant other …covering my bases here with today’s myriad of titles… spend your life apart from working juggling trying to do the best you can ,yet somehow it never feels enough, the guilt and worry goes off the Richter Scale.
The person I love and am watching now is floundering ; they have been through so much in their lives , a fiction book wouldn’t cover it, but how do you know when to truly and completely Step in… Stepping in , not in number 10 hobnail boots , but preserving dignity which MUST be a given for all humans and most especially those who have reared us.
I have been hete before..
What’s that I hear you say? I should know the drill, where to go for support , what to do next shouldn’t I?
Well dear Reader it’s not as simple as that because it depends entirely on their personality their rightful need for independence.
It depends on how you can get to them for help.
It depends on trying to keep a marriage together,you love each other but you get so emotionally exhausted.
when you sit down after a long long day of not seeing your other half, if you have one, you need to catch up, sort work, sort life and for a minute just ‘be’.
These things have to be taken into consideration.
Seemed to do it so well before… Older now in poor health.
The thing is this person I love with all my heart has had a terrible year emotionally and they are exhausted but they are no longer young. Outwardly they look young but when you REALLY know them you know things aren’t right… So what do you do if you are housebound to help?
Well you get on the phone to organisations etc but they can listen offer advice but unless that person goes to see them themselves can do no more,
What do you do when you see that dear dear person so forgetful so muddled and yet still coping in some ways so not considered in need of help.
When you can’t physically get there yourself because you have had two operations ….
What do you do when they give you a ticking off that you haven’t rung ( you have rung or texted ever day by the way) when they tell you they have rung your number but YOUR phone isn’t working …it is by the way.
I may be whittering ,indeed you may have logged off or dropped off… But the dilemma is a mountain it makes conflict with your better half when you are both trying to keep your head above water… To pay the bills etc etc … Balance theirs, go to hospital for operations, procedures constantly.
You quietly ring their GP but you know something they can’t talk to you about your nearest and dearest understandably… But they can and have shouted at you for not bringing them in for an appointment even when you start the conversation… ‘ I have just had heart surgery back op so am immobile, …’
I used to have a sibling but they committed suicide so now you are the only child the lynchpin the safety net .. And you’re own net has such massive holes a killer whale could swim through them.
The truth is there are no easy solutions . You just want to look after them but they are cross lonely struggling and won’t admit it,
So dear Reader if you are still awake any thoughts? Do you have empathy for this conundrum….
Bloody tough isn’t it.